5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Boyfriend!
Does your boyfriend seem emotionally distant right now? Does his embrace cold, perhaps even robotic? Are you worried that you are heading for a breakup? Should this be the case, you may be wondering if you have said something to your man that has him become less connected to you and your relationship.
Lets’ be honest – some of us ladies have a certain way of trying to get what we want from our men by using key phrases that are designed to intentionally lay on a heavy guilt trip.
Come on girls, you know why we do it – the idea is to make them bad for something they have done. This kind of approach can sometimes work in an effort to get our point across. But here is the deal – sometimes what we say can backfire badly! When this happens, it can cause our men to become irritated and begin to pull away.
Never say to your boyfriend list
Many singles come to the Couples Counseling Center here in Chicago seeking advice about their relationships and other matters of the heart. Much of the guidance and support our counselors offer is focused on personal, intimate communications.
In the past, we have discussed things that guys should never say to their girlfriends. In an effort to demonstrate fairness, we are now going to present five things women should never say to their boyfriends. Bear in mind that the list appearing here is not exhaustive in nature. These items do, however, speak to several of the “biggies” that are certain to drive a wedge between you and your man and make him think twice about dating you.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. “We Need To Talk”
This phrase will automatically put your boyfriend’s defenses up. “We need to talk” can be translated in guy speak to “Oh crap, now WTF did I do now?!” You may not intend him to hear it that way but that’s how he’s likely experiencing your request. Think about it for a moment – doesn’t “we need to talk” come off a bit parental?
FYI: These kinds of comments can also cause your man to feel inferior because you are in essence summoning him to kneel before you and bear the brunt of your displeasure. Instead of blurting out those four words, ask a question that will lead up to what you want to talk about. That way you will get to discuss it in a way where he won’t realize it’s an “issue”. You can always use a lead in from one of our suggestions for what to talk to talk to your boyfriend about as an ice-breaker.
2. Nothing Is Wrong
If you are feeling upset and your boyfriend asks you what’s wrong, don’t tell him “Nothing.”, when it definitely is something! Guys are not mind-readers and they will take the easy way out in believing your denial is true. This in turn will cause you to become frustrated, thereby making an uncomfortable situation worse. If you are guilty of doing this, you know exactly what we are talking about. And here is the deal – it will only be a matter of time before the situation escalates into something ugly.
It’s like this – if you are pissed off about something, be up front and just say it. No need forgame playing love. Just tell your guy exactly what is on your mind and try to do it in a way that doesn’t dump on him or make him feel like an a-hole. Your boyfriend will appreciate this and likely make the corrective actions with his behaviors you need to see. He may even say he is sorry for whatever he has done if you play your cards right.
3. I Can Do It Myself
If your boyfriend asks you if you need help with something, allow him to assist you. If you say you will do it yourself, you will make him feel you don’t trust him to do it correctly. When you man wants to do something for you, there is no reason why you can’t accept his offer – unless you are trying to punish him for something he has done and lay on that guilt trip that was mentioned earlier.
Bottom line – even if you don’t really need help, say thank you and allow him to do whatever it is you are doing. He wants to be a part of your life and is offering a hand as a way of showing he cares (even if he does it wrong). Remember, you can always fix things later. FYI: Did you know that when your man comes to you with an offer of assistance, it’s likely one of his ways of saying he loves you without actually saying it?
4. Does This Make Me Look Fat Or Ugly?
Occasionally asking your boyfriend to reassure you that you look good in a piece of clothing or wearing a certain hairstyle is perfectly normal. Example: “Do I look alright to you in this outfit?” is a common question we women will ask our men.
With that shared, if you ask him if you look hideous, ugly, too heavy, or anything else derogatory, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Remember, guys don’t have the same emotional “chip” women do regarding these matters. After all, they are guys!
The better way to approach this is to get yourself dressed up for whatever the occasion might be and then simply ask, “Hey babe – what do you think?” If he says, “You look fine”, just accept that. If he says you look beautiful, amazing, sexy, or anything else – consider it the proverbial cherry on top! If you start fishing for compliments, you might come off as needy. Remember, the more confident you are the sexier you will appear to him.
Girl to girl tip: Don’t ask him his opinion on your appearance while he’s watching football, baseball or basketball. His focus of attention will likely be absorbed by the game so any response you get is going to be flat.
5. I Hate Your Mother
Never, ever put down your boyfriend’s mother. Even if she is the worst woman in the world and you consider her to be a b—- on wheels! If you put a wedge between your boyfriend and his family, he will hold a grudge against you and so will his mom.
It is rude to tell someone you hate one of their family members and you would probably feel the same way if he told you that he hated your mother or father. There are just some things that are better left unsaid. Remember, you man’s momma could one day become your in-law!
So the next time you go for a visit and she is annoying you or making you feel uncomfortable, be nice to her and keep it to yourself no matter what. Yes, we are saying fake it if you have to ladies!
Women, Dating and Men
Dating and relationships can sometimes be a tough business. We can tell you from experience, most all couples have disagreements from time to time. On some level, spats between lovers can be a good thing because they help to bring background issues into sharp focus. But bear in mind that disagreements need to be discussed in a way that are respectfuland not abusive.